Sexually Transmitted Infections

Keeping it real about STI prevention, testing, and results helps you and your partner(s) stay healthy, reduce worries, and get on the same page.

Plus, it can even make your sex life more pleasurable and relaxing.

Watch

Read Transcript

Learn

01

STIs Are Not TMI

If you’re having sex, STIs are a reality. About half of all sexually active people will get at least one by age 25. So, it’s time we drop the awk and have “the talk” about STIs.

Sex is a natural and positive part of life. It can bring a whole lot of fun and pleasure but also unwanted things like STIs and stress. But there’s no need to panic! You can take simple steps to protect yourself and your partner(s). Stay ahead of the game by talking about STI prevention, testing, and status.

STIs are incredibly common and can spread easily through sexual contact. Think of it like sharing a cold or the flu—it’s just that it happens through sex. If you share bodily fluids with your partner(s), you can share STIs, including HIV, too. You can also get STIs through some types of skin-to-skin contact, usually in the genital area.

Many STIs don’t show any signs or symptoms. Yet they can cause serious problems, like damaging your ability to have children, chronic pain, or cancer. You or your partner(s) could have one and not know it. And being with one partner or knowing your partner(s) for a long time doesn’t guarantee protection. Testing is the only way to know your status for sure. The good news? Most STIs can be easily cured or well-managed with treatment.

It’s time to ditch the embarrassment and start making STIs a regular topic of conversation with your partner(s), friends, and healthcare providers. Talking openly makes it easier for people to take action and get the tools needed to avoid infections.  

Being upfront and honest about STIs shows you’re looking out for yourself, your partner(s), and your squad. Plus, it sets an example and encourages others to do the same.

Talking about STIs can boost trust with your partner(s) and strengthen your connection(s). It helps prevent surprises, keeps things honest from the get-go, and lets everyone decide if they’re comfortable moving forward with sexual activities.

Sharing your STI status also shows respect for yourself and your partner(s). Being upfront before things get physical ensures everyone is fully informed and can make their own choices. Read on to learn how to disclose an STI.

Remember, you are not your STI diagnosis. Many partners will accept you and your status. You can still date and have a sex life after an STI diagnosis, but you and your partner(s) might want to take some steps to reduce risk.

02

Build Your Knowledge Base

Before you dive into the STI talk, it’s important to learn a few basics—such as the most common types of STIs, how they are transmitted, and how to prevent them. It’s also helpful to learn about testing and treatment options. Check out the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) for more details on STIs.

Most STIs are caused by either bacteria or viruses. Common bacterial STIs, including chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis, can be cured with simple medications (antibiotics). Viral STIs, like herpes and HIV, are lifelong infections that can be well-managed with medications. If you have a viral STI, you can still date, have a sex life, and be in relationships—just be sure to let your partner(s) know before things get physical. Keep reading for tips on how to disclose a viral STI.

By sharing bodily fluids like semen, vaginal fluids, or blood with your partner(s), you can easily share STIs, including HIV. Having unprotected vaginal, anal, or oral sex—or sharing needles—puts you at risk. Also, some STIs, like herpes, can spread through skin-to-skin contact with an infected area or sore, usually in the genital area.

While many STIs don’t show any signs or symptoms, others have obvious ones like pain or burning when you pee, discharge (from your vagina or penis), itching, fever, or blisters and sores. If left untreated, STIs can lead to infertility, chronic pain, certain cancers, pregnancy complications, and other health problems. That’s why regular testing is key.

Want to reduce the risk of getting STIs, including HIV? You’ve got options. You could use condoms, dental dams, and/or medications before sex to prevent HIV (e.g., PrEP) or after unprotected sex (e.g., PEP to prevent HIV or doxy PEP to prevent other STIs). You can also choose lower-risk sexual activities and get vaccinated against HPV, Mpox, and Hepatitis A and B. To learn more, see our Safer Sex page.

If you’re sexually active, then getting tested for STIs is one of the best things you can do to protect your health and your partner(s). Many sexually active people should be tested regularly for STIs, especially before being with someone new or if they notice any possible STI signs or symptoms.

The CDC recommends everyone (ages 13–64) get tested for HIV at least once. Regular STI testing for chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis is recommended for many. To understand what’s right for you, check out the National Coalition for Sexual Health.

Testing is simple—it’s just a urine, swab, or blood test. You can test in a health care setting or at home. Learn more at the CDC’s Getting Tested for STIs.

03

Prep for the STI Chat

Talking about STIs can be awkward. Shocking, right? But it doesn’t have to be. Focus on keeping the talk calm, positive, and matter-of-fact to make things comfortable. Remember, whether you’re in something casual or serious—the goal is to take care of each other.

Don’t assume your partner(s) will freak out when you bring up STIs. They could appreciate your honesty and even be relieved that you started the conversation! But, if they are surprised or offended, we have tips to help you.

Knowing a few key facts can boost your confidence and lessen anxiety during STI chats. Plus, sharing data can help inform your partner(s) about STIs and why talking about them matters. Here are a few facts:

  • According to the CDC, about 20 million new STI cases are reported each year, and over half of them are among people ages 15–24.
  • 1 in 5 people in the United States have an STI at any time.
  • STIs can easily be shared via oral, vaginal, and anal sex—or even during certain types of skin-to-skin contact (e.g., usually in genital areas).
  • STIs can affect your ability to have children, cause cancer, trigger pain, and increase your risk of contracting HIV.

Skip the stigmas when talking about STIs. Don’t ask, “Are you clean?”—it can shame and embarrass your partner(s). Plus, it’s not even accurate. Hygiene doesn’t have anything to do with STI status. Instead, it’s best to ask, “Do you know your STI status?”

Discuss STI prevention, testing, and status before things heat up. In other words, try and find a time to talk when you’re not having sex or about to do so. It will make it easier to focus and stick to your main points. Choose a chill, private place instead of a crowded one and try to keep it relaxed—treat it like any other convo.

Time for the talk? Try these tips:

  1. Kick off the convo with open-ended questions. Instead of, “We have to get tested for STIs,” try saying, “Can we talk about getting tested for STIs?”
  2. Avoid putting your partner(s) on the defensive: use “I” and “We” statements instead of “You” statements. For example, you could say, “I want us both to be protected and healthy,” instead of, “You should get tested to keep me healthy.”
  3. Share your thoughts, then listen to your partner’s POV. Conversations should be a two-way street.
  4. If you don’t agree, consider taking a pause, revisiting the talk later, or finding a compromise that works for both of you.

Need more tips? Check out our Comms 101 section.

04

Break the Ice on STI Status and Safety

Looking for ways to spark the convo about STIs, safer sex, and testing? Keep reading for some tips and ready-to-use phrases you can put into action!

Start by letting your partner know you want to talk about keeping each other safe and healthy. It’s best to bring it up before having sex with a new partner, but it’s never too late to discuss—even if you’ve already had sex. You could kick things off with a few facts: 

  • “Did you know half of all sexually active people get at least one STI by age 25?”
  • “STIs are almost as common as colds—getting one doesn’t make you ‘dirty,’ just human. Plus, it shouldn’t be a blame game.”
  • “You can’t usually spot an STI by looking. Testing is the only way to know for sure.”
  • “Why let fear and worrying put a damper on our sex life? Let’s get tested so we can fully enjoy ourselves.” 

Before getting physical, talk openly about STIs/HIV and disclose to your partner(s) if you currently have one. Here are ways to start the chat:

  • “Before we get physical, let’s be honest about our current STI and/or HIV status. Are you cool with that?”
  • “Have you been tested for STIs and/or HIV? If so, which ones, and when was your last test? Have you had sex since then?”

Keep in mind that answers don’t always keep you safe. Since many STIs don’t show symptoms, people might not realize they have one. They also may not be honest about results or getting tested.

To reduce risk, it’s best to practice safer sex, get tested together, and share results. Then, you can make a plan to stay safe moving forward.

With so many options to prevent STIs and HIV—medications to take before and/or after sex, condoms, dental dams, and more—there’s a lot to talk about. So, once you’re up to speed on your safer sex options, decide what works best for you, including any non-negotiables or dealbreakers. Then, you can start talking. For example, you could open with: 

“I really like you and think we should take things to the next level. But first, can we talk about how we’ll stay safe?”

“A worry-free sex life is great for both of us. Let’s chat about safer sex, OK?”

Want more tips, convo starters, and scripts? Check out our Safer Sex section.

It’s best to bring up testing when things are chill and comfortable. You can try these convo starters:

I care about you and want to discuss STI testing before having sex. Then we can relax, protect each other, and enjoy sex even more.

I’m nervous to bring this up, but I think we should get tested for STIs, including HIV, together or solo, and share our results.

If you want to ditch condoms, we need to get tested first and become exclusive to stay safe.

STI testing is good, but not enough. Future infections can happen. Unless you and your partner(s) are exclusive and fully trust each other, safer sex methods (like using condoms or taking medications) are key to avoiding STIs, including HIV.

05

Share Your STI Status

It might feel daunting to disclose an STI to a new or existing partner. But a little prep can go a long way! And remember, you’re not alone. Nearly half of us will get one or more STIs at some point in our lives. Plus, STIs can either be cured or well-managed.

You’ve got options for notifying your partner(s). You can do it yourself in a calm, private spot. Or, if you’re worried about their reaction, you can ask a service like TellYourPartner.org to inform them without revealing your name or identity.

Something to keep in mind is you only need to share STIs you currently have—either new STIs or existing viral STIs (e.g., herpes or HIV) you’re living with. There’s no need to dredge up previous STIs (caused by bacteria, like chlamydia) that have been fully treated and cured.

If you’re diagnosed with a new STI, tell your partner(s) ASAP so they can get tested and treated. You could start the talk with:

I just had my physical and want to share something with you. I always get tested for STIs, and my doctor said I have one. You should probably get tested, too.

My doctor said STIs are super common, and there’s no shame. Treatment is highly effective, and when it’s completed, we can have sex again.

Your healthcare provider may suggest and provide Expedited Partner Therapy (EPT)—medication for your partners to treat the STI. After treatment, ask your healthcare provider when it’s safe to resume sex and ask your partner(s) to talk about safer sex for protection.

If you have a viral STI like herpes or HIV, tell your partner(s) before you get physical—or do anything beyond kissing. The specific timing is up to you! Some people like to wait until they get to know someone, while others get it out of the way on the first date. These infections are lifelong but very manageable. But it’s up to your partner(s) to decide what they’re comfortable with. If you get sexually involved, you can chat about steps to protect each other.

If you have a viral STI, you could say something like, “I think I can trust you, and I want to share something with you. Last year, I found out that I have _______. But there are steps we can take to reduce your risk of getting it.”  

Then, you might want to share a few facts. For example, if you have herpes, you could say that antiviral medication, barrier methods, and/or avoiding sex during outbreaks can greatly reduce the risk of sharing it.

If you or your partner(s) has HIV, you can take medications to reduce the risk of sharing it to nearly zero and/or use condoms to prevent HIV and other STIs.

Your partner(s) might be confused or worried at first—it’s a common reaction but usually isn’t a straight-out rejection. Give them some time to process and learn more about the STI. You can ask if they have any questions and share your knowledge and/or online resources for more info.

However, sometimes, people may not react well and might choose to step away from the relationship. That’s their choice. Remember, you are so much more than a diagnosis, and you’ll find other people who appreciate all of you.

On the flip side, if your partner(s) reveals an infection to you, it’s best to stay calm, listen, and get informed before deciding how to move forward. Treat them with respect—they were honest and vulnerable with you. Kindness is key!

06

Navigate Negative Reactions and Next Steps

Talking about STIs can sometimes stir up emotions and fears. Use these strategies during and after the chat to help keep things positive and on track.

What if they won’t get tested?

Ask what’s holding them back. If it’s about insurance, cost, or finding a clinic, then try to help them figure it out.

What if they aren’t on board with my safer sex plan?

State your non-negotiables and look for common ground. See if you can find a compromise that meets both of your needs. If not, you might need to move on.

What if they get upset when I bring up testing?

Drop some facts about STIs. Explain that you want to be as safe as possible. Emphasize that many STIs have no symptoms, and it’s about being smart and taking care of each other.

Your partner(s) might not be on the same page about STIs. So, it’s smart to be prepared. If they avoid the topic or cut the convo short, it’s helpful to have some responses ready:

STI Status Comebacks
Partner:

I’m clean and don’t have any diseases. Don’t you trust me?

Reply:

It’s not about trust or the blame game. Either of us could have an STI and not know it. Many STIs are symptom-free but can still spread. The only way to know for sure is to get tested.

Partner:

Let’s just skip protection this one time. It’ll be fine.

Reply 1:

Nope, having sex just once is all it takes to get an STI. So, let’s use a condom or try some other sexual activities with less risk.

Reply 2:

I’d rather be safe than sorry.

Partner:

You want to get tested now? We’ve been hooking up for weeks and we’re obviously in the clear.

Reply:

I just read online that you can have an STI without knowing it. Let’s get tested so we can both relax and enjoy sex even more. It’s never too late to take care of each other.

Partner:

I just don’t think I can continue knowing you have an STI.

Reply 1:

How about I share some facts, and you decide from there? There are steps we can take to reduce your risk of getting it. 

Reply 2:

I respect your decision and honesty. I also know that I’m more than my STI diagnosis. I’ll find someone who values and accepts all of me.

On the same page about STIs with your partner(s)? That’s great! Now, you can plan how to keep things safe in the future—like safer sex strategies, regular testing, sharing results, and more. Decide what works best for everyone.

Not on the same page? It might be best to take a break or part ways. No one should ask you to risk your health or drop your safer sex non-negotiables. You deserve better. But rest assured, there are many people out there who value good sexual health and will respect you. Just keep looking!

Practice

Awk Talk Starters

Avoiding the talk? Whether you’re tongue-tied or just need an icebreaker, our scripts can help guide you through the awk.

Hey, I’ve been a little nervous to bring this up, but I think we should go get tested for STIs. 

Really? But we’ve been hooking up for weeks. Obviously, we’re both in the clear.

Well, I just read online that you can have an STI and not even know it. And since we skipped the condom last time…

How can you have an STI and not know you have one?

Many people don’t have any symptoms at all. But they can still pass it to other people they have sex with.

So, you’re worried one of us has an STI?

Well, STIs are really common, kind of like the cold and flu. You just get them through sex. To be honest, we won’t know until we get tested.  

If it would make you more comfortable, I’ll definitely do it.

Awesome. Let’s make an appointment and go together. And after we get our results, let’s talk about how we can keep things safer moving forward.

Hey, I just had my physical and want to share something with you. I always get tested for STIs, and my doctor just told me I have one.

An STI? Are you sure?

I’m sure. The results came back yesterday, and I have chlamydia. I wanted to let you know right away because you should probably get tested too.

I haven’t noticed any symptoms or anything unusual.

I said the same thing to my doctor. They said it’s pretty common for people to not have symptoms right away or ever.

But we’ve always been careful, haven’t we? How could this happen?

Maybe from my last partner? We used protection most of the time, but not all the time. And STIs are very common – most people will get one or more at some point.

Now I’m worried.

You don’t need to stress too much. You can easily treat chlamydia with antibiotics.

OK, that’s a relief. And thanks for being honest… I’m going to get tested tomorrow, and treated, if needed.

Awesome. Just one more thing – we need to finish treatment and then wait at least 7 days before we have sex again. Let’s also figure out our safer sex options for the future. Then we should be good to go!

Play

Down bad or just want to break the ice? Play Tawk ___ To Me or Match My ___! Turn awkward topics into juicy conversations with seven card decks filled with questions from spicy to sweet.

First card of card decks: Match My Freak, Tawk Us To Me, Match My Flirt, Tawk Sexy to Me
Play with all the decks

Dive Deeper

Knowledge is power… even if the topic is oh-so-awk! Read up on how to put these skills to work IRL. 

Where to Next?

Safer Sex